‘The Art of Love’ is the title of one of the great books by the famous psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, who writes, among other things, that “modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow human beings and from nature. He has been turned into a commodity, and he sees his life-force as an investment which must bring him the maximum possible profit in the given market conditions. Human relations are the mutual relations of alienated automatons; each builds his security on being close to the herd, and does not differ in thought, feeling or action. Although he tries to be closer to others, he remains completely alone, imbued with a deep sense of insecurity and guilt, which shows itself whenever he fails to overcome his loneliness.”

Sound familiar? And to quote the great Fromm (Erich Fromm was a social psychologist and humanist philosopher who focused on the state of human life and the evolution of physical and intellectual capacities during the two world wars), he goes on to say that “our civilisation offers palliatives, fake cures that help people to be unaware of this loneliness. Above all, the rigid routine of bureaucratised mechanical work, which makes people unaware of their most basic human desires, the longing for transcendence and union. If routine alone fails, man overcomes his unconscious despair with the routine of entertainment, with the passive consumption of sounds and images offered by the entertainment industry; then with the satisfaction of buying more and more things and soon replacing them with others.” Modern man, Fromm admits, is indeed close to the image described by Aldous Huxley in his Brave New World – well-fed, well-dressed, sexually satisfied, but without a self, without the slightest contact with his fellow human beings, except superficial contact.

‘Having a self’ – the first step to experiencing the world (beautifully!)

This also sort of ‘fits’ with the latest developments with a person who is very close to me and whom I love very much. A person who was recently slapped by anxiety again after a few years of burnout, which reminded me of how necessary it is to work on oneself and on educating oneself on a daily basis. self-love. Self-love in the fullest sense of the word and not – as a superficial reading might suggest – in the nurturing of mere egoism. While this is certainly, as the word ‘ego’ implies, connected with self-love, since man does need an ego to survive and preserve the species, true and sincere self-love leads to much more than that. It leads to empathy and altruism, which are key to the quality coexistence of the whole of society. With emphasis on the word ‘quality’.

In contemporary society – and I am talking about society in the time and space in which we ‘contemporaries’ live, who in turn create and read readings such as this one – we have for some time now been no longer preoccupied with the challenge of ‘just surviving’, but rather with how to live. We all want to be content, happy, loved and fulfilled. If only we had not gradually (as if we lacked survival challenges?!) come to create new problems, new (survival?) challenges, in our pursuit of all these. We compete with friends, acquaintances, relatives, neighbours, we look at social networks which – instead of us using them for our own and society’s benefit – only make us more dissatisfied, seemingly create more worries, take away our joy and our ability to see all the possibilities of love and to be truly happy.

But really – hand on heart – we are the ones who have chosen the option when external factors, from social networks onwards, make our lives difficult. We ourselves are the ones who can choose the option when we see – actually see! – a grasshopper stopping beside us as we lean against a tree, breathing in the fresh air. We are the ones who will choose the perception that we are really, really happy that our neighbour is enjoying a weekend at the seaside, regardless of our own financial situation (because, believe it or not, when we are able to think like this, our own kinder ‘mindset’ gradually leads to our own financial relief). And yes, we are the ones who choose how we feel at any given moment and in any given situation, whatever it is that slaps us in the face, however incomprehensible or even crude it may sound.

Only we and we alone have an impact on our experience of the world. Only we and we alone are responsible for our own lives, and yes – it may indeed be easier at times to focus on factors outside of ourselves and blame them for the conditions that cause us certain feelings, including suffering, but in the end, if we are only able to see past them for the sake of our own liberation, we will come to realise that we ourselves have been holding the key to the emotional cage in which we have locked ourselves up (for who knows how long) all along. Locked out of the world by our own ego, which has dictated that we should be locked in this way because – paradoxically – it wanted ‘only to protect us’. But the magic of life begins when we unlock the cage.

Only we and we alone have the possibility to choose truly differently!

On the other hand, as Erich Fromm also writes, the “most people are not even aware of their need to adapt. They live under the illusion that they follow their own ideas and inclinations, that they are individualists, that they have formed their own opinions as a result of their own thinking, and that it is only by chance that their ideas fit in with those of the majority. But the consensus of all is proof that ‘their’ ideas are correct. But since they still need to feel some sense of individuality, they satisfy this need with minor differences: initials on a purse or a sweater, a nameplate of a staff member, belonging to the Democratic Party as opposed to the Republican Party… – these become expressions of individual differences. The advertising slogan ‘It’s different!’ reveals this pathetic need for difference when in reality there is hardly anything left of it.” Does this sound familiar? It is worth noting that Fromm was already thinking and writing about all this in the middle of the last century (‘The Art of Loving’ was published overseas in 1956).

In short, within the wheel of modernity, which pulls us inwards to become atoms of an undemanding consumer society that serves the system and merges into it seamlessly, we strive to preserve our individuality, of which we have no idea, what it should look like, we only know that we are driven by the idea that when we manage to achieve this and that, to catch ‘that something’, to succeed in one way or another (whatever success means to each individual, but in a uniformed society this is also more or less well known) …, only then will we be truly happy in our perception. But happiness is of course not something we capture. It is not something we achieve. It is not something in which we succeed.

Happiness comes from the self-love that we cultivate every single day. We begin with the opening of an eye to the morning birdsong and end with the evening sound of crickets. So let us invite ourselves back into ourselves, to switch on all our senses again. We have everything we need for contentment, joy, love and happiness — within us. Let us allow the magic of life to happen (to us).

“It doesn’t hurt to have a beginning with an end! Among the things in the midst of the eternal mine, you are the quickest to pass away! Know this: the grace of the Muses alone gives thee an unchangeable portion: in thy breast content grows, and form from the spirit.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe; translated by Jože Udovič