“A little higher, a little farther, step out in front of everything, your heart is not screaming. Hands higher than the sky, to embrace half the world; for if you give, someone has.” (First row; Matevž Šalehar – Hamo & Tribute 2 Love)

Let’s move from the iconic local musician to (at least in my eyes) the enormous man Dr Viktor Emil Frankl, neurologist, psychiatrist, founder of logotherapy and existential analysis, who spent an unimaginable four years in Nazi camps during the Second World War, during which he lost his wife, brother, parents and friends, and landed on a punishing 38 kilograms as a camp inmate himself. Nevertheless, Frankl found a way to help his fellow prisoners in the circumstances, to encourage them and to help them out of despair, noting that those who had a purpose in life survived more easily.

Meaning is not something that changes the world, but it can also be seemingly (and here I really stress seemingly!) small(er) things, such as – I’m shaking it out of my sleeve – being committed in one of the roles we carry throughout our lives (in modern times, for example, a partner, a parent, a godparent, an adopter of a dog and/or a cat, a colleague, a manager, a business partner, etc.), or just being the person who shakes a nickel or even a dime in the hand of the king of the street.

“Just a hug”

As I write this during these festive days, my beloved husband is battling a serious illness and, unfortunately, a few health complications on top of it, and the other day, when the situation was really desperate, he told me in tears that what he regretted most of all was that he had not hugged me more. It was a regret in the purest possible form, which therefore revolved around one thing and one thing only – that is, ‘just’ a hug.

Think of how many times we leave out “just this” and “just that” for something completely unimportant. Or how many times we happen to mix up the priorities of our roles for a while, and are all too often a very good business partner but a poor life partner for a loved one. Then, when we realise the deficit that performing a certain role has led to in another – albeit more vital – role, we try to make up for it in a way that doesn’t work. Because in the meantime, the person we are trying to “redeem” may have begun to speak a language other than our own. Another language of love. When, say, she “just” wants a strong and warm hug, but instead she gets something completely worthless wrapped in shiny paper.

Where our freedom resides

Let’s start by asking ourselves whether we are present enough. Are we practising mindfulness? Are we here and now? What does that even mean? Dr Frankl said that there is a space between the stimulus and the response to it, and in that space resides our freedom. So at this point we can talk about the here and now, but with what IS (meaning: with all the conditions and situations that are also in addition).

As explained to us in one of the modules of the Ayurveda school by Dr. Tjaša Šubic, a teacher and a doctor in Ayurveda, explains that the foundations of mindfulness are: (1) beginner’s mind, which means that we are able to look at things and events as children, (2) non-judgement, or in English the very nice sounding ‘Let it be’, (3) acceptance, (4) letting go, or in English the very nice sounding ‘Let it go’, (5) non-striving, (6) trust, (7) patience, (8) gratitude, and (9) generosity – even to ourselves.

If we try to introduce mindfulness (presence) into our daily lives, we will certainly be more mindful in our lives, caring for others (and ourselves) will be a given, compassion (even for ourselves) will be a given, contentment with life, which brings about a way of living according to our own desires, taking into account the needs of others, and last but not least – but crucially! – Dr Šubič urged us to practise mindfulness.

Shadows and sun

I have noticed that I myself am very aware of the struggle my husband is going through with a challenging illness, which I am of course accompanying him on as best I can. Sometimes I even wish I could be less present, I admit, but – you won’t believe this – every morning when I practice my morning routine of meditation and yoga, I feel a sincere gratitude for all that is. And all that is, in this period (unfortunately), also includes the desperate situation brought about by my husband’s illness. This does not mean that I have any sympathy for the situation – quite the opposite (!) – but it does mean that I accept a situation over which I have no direct influence and leave it as much as possible to my higher nature to “process”.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t indulge in tears almost every day, but I still see them as a very human way of letting go of sadness, which, when I allow my higher nature to take over, dries up a little and makes room for a smile. The most sincere one (laughs), of course, comes out at the moment, when my husband, in his state, “switches on” again his dark humour, which is what made me fall in love with him in the first place.

So I am talking about sickness and love. About shadows and sunshine. And as I wrote in a recent text message to a friend who just a few days ago turned 41. (Happy birthday again, dear Val, and really enjoy your facial at Zlatobeli! :)):“Life brings us shadows and sunshine. If it weren’t for the former, we wouldn’t even notice the latter.” (Of course, there was a continuation of good wishes, but let’s just leave this basic thought, to which I linked the rest of the text message of congratulations.)

Kindness – the ultimate language of love

In short, by practising mindfulness, we really are – speaking from my own experience – really more in the here and now. Unfortunately, even in situations where we don’t want to be, but – and I still believe this – that we can also be or even be in a situation where we don’t want to be, but – and I still believe this – we can also be. It is the miserable experiences that bring the greatest life insights and lessons. It is futile, in my opinion, to think about what someone has done that is bad, that is bad for them. (Some philosophers and also Ayurveda – the science of life – say that some things should be “repaid” in other – reincarnated – lifetimes, but I don’t really have an opinion on that kind of thinking yet.)

It is still important, whatever our own life circumstances and trials, to maintain kindness. Kindness is the language of love, which I believe is understood by most people (and certainly by other beings on this magnificent planet of ours). So it is absolutely worth helping those who want (and need) our help, but the key is not to expect (much less demand!) anything in return. Nothing. So let the love we offer in this way be totally unconditional and selfless.

Let’s open the window!

As I mentioned at this year’s last ‘Let’s rebalance our lives’ meeting, everything we give (of ourselves) is bound to come back (to us) in some way. I see the human being as a microcosm that is infinitely connected to the macrocosm, and if this microcosm triggers something in the macrocosm, a natural interaction happens. The macrocosm is our environment, our home, our planet with all the creatures that live in it besides us. So, paradoxically, by acting altruistically, we are also looking after our own well-being.

So let’s try to shake the hand of someone with whom we may have had a falling out (may the higher nature overcome the ego!), let’s hug someone who may have at some point become taken for granted, let’s kiss a tree if our heart so compels us. Let these festive days also be a window for inner reflection. Let us open it.

Perhaps it will also bring through it the melody of our iconic Hamot, who sings, “A little higher, a little farther, step out in front of everything, no matter how your heart screams. Hands higher than the sky, to embrace half the world; for if you give, someone has.” (First row)